My Pride Weekend 2016

On June 19th, 2016, I received a phone call that I had been eagerly hoping for - but not wholly expecting. After having applied for the Edgar Richard Scholar Award (if you don't know who Edgar Richards was, please Google him - he was a truly miraculous man) at the urging of one of my SUNY Purchase professors, I had waited in a curious limbo - feeling a mixture of confidence and inadequacy in near-equal measure. However, at nine in the morning on the 19th, I found myself talking to Sam Lerma, the Chairman of the Edgar Richards Scholar Award Committee, who told me that I had been one of two winners of the 2016 scholarship. Winning the award also meant being a guest of honor at a breakfast and award ceremony hosted at the historic Riverside Church in NYC. I stumbled over my words as I profusely thanked him, and remember stopping in mid-sentence numerous times so that my gratitude did not drown him. I had to keep reminding myself that I had won on my own merits, after all.

Rather than trying to stay with friends and worrying about the inevitable tango that would have erupted over bathroom usage, I requested weekend accommodations, and received a call from an incredible woman named Mary, who graciously opened her home to my for the weekend. She had been on the Edgar Richards Scholar Award Committee in the past, as well as serving in a prominent position within the organization Maranatha: Riversiders for LGBT Concerns. As soon as I spoke to her, I felt a wonderful sense of friendliness and open acceptance - none of my usual dysphoric thoughts that cloud my mind when I meet strangers for the first time: "Will they gender me properly? Will they accept me as a woman? Will I have to justify my identity to them?" Mary and I kept in contact over the course of the week to meticulously plan the weekend, and her support and accommodating personality made me feel more positive about the trip down to the city than I had anticipated.

I rode down on a Trailways bus, all the while I was worrying over my speech, my outfit, my appearance, and the inevitable wave of anxiety that would wash over me, being in NYC during Pride weekend, so recently after the tragic events that took place in Orlando's Pulse nightclub less than two weeks before.

Without delving in to the tedious minutiae of my trip, suffice it to say that I finally made my way to Mary's apartment, with my wonderful friend, Dinae's help, since I could get lost in NYC with a map and color-by-number directions. The three of us later went out to a fabulous diner in the neighborhood, where we all got to know one another. What was so wonderful to me was the fact that Mary was so informed, accepting, and educated in regards to both LGBT topics and the current struggles of people of color within America. Being from upstate NY, it is not often that I meet older generations who are willing to embrace those from different walks of life: racism, transphobia, and homophobia run rampant in my home community, and this was a breath of fresh air that set the tone for the weekend, and made me breathe a sigh of relief going forward.

The next morning, I had to be up and ready by 8am, which - for those of you who know me - is easier said than done since my morning routine takes upwards of two hours on a fast day. Mary drove me to Riverside Church, and I was at once stunned by how opulent it is. Even the outside is utterly gorgeous, intimidatingly so. The sheer size of it was enough to send my tail between my legs, but being around Mary's buoyant personality made me believe in myself.

The breakfast and award ceremony was incredible - a truly memorable event put on by Riverside Church and Maranatha: Riversiders for LGBT Concerns on behalf of the Edgar Richards Scholar Award Committee. I was able to meet Sam Lerma, the man who selected me as one of the two winners, along with several other prominent members within the church. The entire atmosphere was so jubilant and beautiful: being around so much love and acceptance, especially within a church, was serene. When I was introduced and called up to give my speech, I felt a wave of nerves wash over me, but the applause and smiles quickly helped to erase such anxieties. In my stilettos and leopard print, standing before the podium and speaking not only for myself, but for trans folk everywhere who do not have a voice or the privileges to be awarded a scholarship opportunity such as this, I felt beyond empowered, for the first time in a long while.

After the ceremony, the applause was invigorating and validating - I felt so confident and comfortable. I had complete strangers coming up to me to wish me well on my journey, to congratulate me for my award, and to ask for my contact information so that they could keep in touch and chart my progress with me. I had not felt such a warm reception in ages: the acceptance pervading the room was so touching.

I was then led to the nave of the church for the service, which was left me utterly speechless. I have not been to many church services in my life, but I seriously reconsidered that trend after attending this one. Never in my life did I imagine that I would hear church figureheads openly urging for the acceptance of LGBT folks, or the black victims of police brutality, or the victims from the Pulse nightclub shooting. And yet, here I was, hearing all of this: the minister spoke of America having a "bone-deep" problem, and implicated Donald Trump and his followers in the decay of decency within America. Hearing so many people - especially older people! - agreeing with these ideas filled me with boundless hope for a better future.

After the service, I met various people involved with Riverside Church and networked a bit before leaving for the afternoon. My initial plan was to ride on the church's float in the NYC Pride Parade, but it was so unbearably hot that I decided to just watch the parade instead. I eventually met up with my good friend, Demetria, who I had not seen since she graduated Purchase over a year ago!

Demetria and I watched the Parade together, both really getting to experience it for the first time. Getting the chance to see and catch up her after so long was an amazing way to end the day. After we parted ways, I took the train back to Mary's, but we were momentarily delayed when a fight broke out on the platform and spilled into one of the cars. I didn't see it myself, but I saw the aftermath, and there was a considerable amount of blood.

The next day, I left to come back home but, before leaving, Mary gave me an amazing gift: three signed books by Jenny Boylan, who is one of my idols when it comes to writing, and witty eloquence. I was so humbled by the incredible experience that the prospect of leaving the weekend behind filled me with emotion. In part, I was anxious, uneasy about the rest of the summer: starting a new job, existing in a place that openly condemns my gender expression, dealing with the inevitable conflicts that would arise from being back in my parents' house. But, I was also excited for the coming semester, and to really get under way with working on The Venus Complex.

After winning the Edgar Richards Scholar Award, I feel a renewed sense of purpose and passion. As I said in my speech, too few trans folk are given the spotlight and the chance to express ourselves, our art, and our experiences. I was incredibly honored to have won the award, and plan to put it to good use: I will be dedicating this semester to finishing my book, so that I can have it printed and ready for purchase by December. I want to then start to send it to various publishers in the hopes of maybe getting it picked up so that I can continue telling my own story, and spreading awareness about trans topics.

#pride #prideparade #pride2016 #riversidechurch #edgarrichards