A Little About Moi
- Cody
- Apr 27, 2016
- 5 min read
Over the years, I have had numerous websites, blogs, vlogs, and message boards that I have managed, and they all eventually meet the same fate: they fall by the way side, never getting edited after the first few weeks, and eventually, I lose all interest in them. I struggled for a long while with a reason for this, because I constantly am hearing from friends and family that I need some form of social media through which to express my political ideologies, social commentaries, witty sass, along with my artwork, writing, photography, and cosmetic brilliance. I eventually came to the conclusion that my old websites have collapsed because their focus was too narrow; I would go through all of the time and energy to create a website designated to my artwork, and then go through artistic block and find the project to be a waste of time. I would make a fancy blog specifically to talk about a day in my life, only to be too busy to update it time and time again. And so, something eventually hit me late last year...
I am 24 years old. I am a Creative Writing senior in the Creative Writing Conservatory at SUNY Purchase.
However, I do not simply let the word "writer" define me; I like to think of myself as a multi-disciplinary artist whose body of work is evolving in much the same way that all of our bodies do: everyday, multiple times a day. I am constantly in a state of flux, altered by every interactions and thought.
I write, but I also create artwork (primarily watercolors or pen and ink). I am a self-taught make-up artist and designer, an activist and performance artist. I work as a journalist and editor for an acclaimed art magazine (ArtTour International). I am a straight-A student. And I am transgender.
More in being trans and what it means to me in a future post - but I can not leave out the fact that this is a major part of my identity - one that shows itself in my artwork, my sociopolitical views, my poetry and literature, my photography.It is unavoidable, inescapable.
That being said, it was not always so simple. I will certainly go into childhood and adolescence as a trans individual later on, but, for now, suffice it to say that growing up was not easy - whether because of family or social restrictions or my own impediments, the majority of my teenage years were miserable, and the only way that I found to let out the frustration and gender identity issues was to create art. My art, in this way, is a conduit for my emotions.
Because of fear and a lack of knowledge regarding access, I went through much of my life yearning to transition without any real hope of it ever taking place - and then, one day during the summer of 2015, after countless arguments with my parents and the issue being perpetually swept under the carpet, I decided that I had to take matters (and my life) into my own hands and start to shape myself according to my vision - kind of like Pygmalion sculpting Galatea, only I was this jumbled up mixture of both.
I took a leap, I gathered all of the necessary insurance info and paperwork, and started making calls. The run-around was anguishing, and the dead ends that I ran into were disheartening. Many times I wondered, why am I doing this if it is so difficult? But, every night I reminded myself that it was for the betterment of my own future.
I heard an interesting piece of information one day that has stuck with me for a while: if you happen to see a butterfly struggling to escape from its chrysalis, you should not help it. The butterfly needs to endure the struggle so that it may strengthen its wings upon that initial flight. That image has been in my mind for so long that I can't recall where I first heard it, although I do have memories of watching monarch butterflies escape their chrysalises in my old backyard with my grandmother. Perhaps she imparted some of her wisdom onto me back then, which I filed away in mu juvenile brain, since I could only have been four or five. I chanced upon the tidbit while reading Kate Bornstein's My Gender Workbook and realized how deeply ingrained it had been in my mind; butterfly, caterpillar, and chrysalis imagery is a constant throughout my work and, until I really analyzed it, I had no clue what the subconscious iconography meant.
That said, the struggle did come to an end: I found Callen-Lorde (http://callen-lorde.org/) and finally booked an appointment with my doctor. All summer my nerves were aquiver - but, after my initial appointment, I began receiving hormones October 7th (which was a great day, as it also happened to be the premiere of AHS:Hotel). This day was monumental for me because I accomplished it entirely on my own. I made the calls, I filled out the paperwork, I went to the clinic despite my the devil on my shoulder reminding me that it meant I was leaving a large piece of my life - and possibly family - behind. But the good far outweighed the bad. The feeling of relief that I felt when I left with my first prescription was beyond elation.
That is where the concept for this website and blog came from. I was on the subway back to Grand Central when I realized that I had an obligation to my community. As a transwoman who is out-spoken and unflinching in my convictions - but also as a transwoman artist - I believe that it is my duty to use my voice and my art to spread awareness, education, and change. I thought back to my childhood as I rode the train clutching my future in my hand and thought to myself: I never imagined that I would be here today.
I decided that it was time to sit down and take action. I have never been one to obsess over the internet and social media. In fact, while most folks are on Facebook, I would prefer to be curled up in bed with a good horror novel and cup of tea. However, I knew that, from that day onward, i could not be complacent. Social media is a great vehicle, capable of reaching wide audiences in minutes. I knew that I wanted to start marketing myself and using all of the tools available to me so that I could begin making the world a better place through acceptance and education.
This website will be a lot of things. It will be a sounding-board for my political rants regarding anti-trans legislation and, hopefully, my praise for pro-trans legislation. It will be a spring-board for ideas and artwork, innovations and performances. I will post images of my transition, vlogs regarding my experiences, and writing that reflects my identity. I plan to have a "Wall of Shame" gallery as well, where I can share the heated and often comedic arguments that I get into with misinformed folks on various social media platforms. I want to make this website everything that I wish I had had access to as a child, growing up trans with no idea about my options, or if there were others like me. I want to pool resources, share information, and connect with wide audiences. I want to try to save lives through my words, images, and videos.
I encourage everyone who chances upon this site to share the hell out of it. Tell your friends. Have your family ask me questions, or ask some yourself. Don't hold back. I want to watch thousands of up and coming butterflies burst forth from their chrysalises with the knowledge that they are loved, supported, and, most of all, not alone in this world.
Please keep checking in from time to time, and send me any ideas you may have!
- Cody xo
コメント